The end of any relationship is painful, whether you chose to end the marriage or the decision was made for you. I don't think anyone marries with the intention of getting a divorce but so many relationships end up there.
Ultimately divorce means "End".The end of your marriage, end of love, end of your hopes and plans for the future and end of the family unit as you knew it.
Inevitably divorce leads to change. Change in living arrangements, changes to the daily routine, change back to single status, and more often than not a change in mood, happiness and state of mind.
If you have recently seperated or divorced you may be having the worst experience in your life. Picking yourself up and turning your future in a positive direction, may sound like an impossibility. You may be thanking god you are out of the terrible marriage. This is where the use of Ceremony and 'Sharon is my Celebrant' come to the rescue.
Closure and moving on - Ceremony will empower you. Assist to heal wounds, reclaim your power and surrendering to your new situation.
Ceremony is used to help you draw strength from move on to a productive life, ready to love again.
Ceremony can be particularly helpfulif there are children. Your children suffer as much if not more than we do. The kids often hear too much, understand too little and can blaming themselves for the breakdown of the marriage.
Everyones story is different so each ceremony is written for the individual.
I suggest the following appraoches:
1) Seperation Ceremony - Occurs before the divorce is final. Helps you release the past by acknowledging all you gained from the relationship. Reconnecting you with friends to build a support network. Affirming you as a strong and independent person, complete on your own. Talk about new direction, being your own best friend and how to nurture and support yourself through the difficult period.
2) Expression of Support - You may have a friend or family member who is really struggling. Use ceremony to espressing support can be a life changing experience. Your message is ' We understand you are struggling. We love you and support you through good times and bad. We wish to lift your spirit by our actions and we are interested in you and your future. You have a network of friends and family to encourage you and ensure you reach the other end.
3) Parental Commitment Ceremony - Similar to words used in a wedding to bond children with a new step parent. One or both parents can participate. The message of the ceremony is to reconfirm love for the child, set new boundries and rules (for parents and the kids) suiting the situation. Reassuring kids of your ongoing support and plans for their future. Absolving them from any form of guilt, if they blame themselves and reassurance of your current state of well being or state of mind.
Where both parents attend, I would add a pledge or promise between the
parents to treat each other with plenty of respect and to co-operate with each other, to care for the child/ren, make decisions together and collectively support the children untill they are old enough to do so themselves. Afterall the love you previously shared gave these children life!
4) Thank God it's Over - Let's party. Embracing your freedom, single life and new opportunities can only happen after you have reclaimed your identity and self esteem. You must have no feelings of animosity or conflict with your ex. Beginning a new journey.
Idea's for Ceremony within the Ceremony
Reverse ring exchange
Reclaim previous name
Change of name
Oath of friendship
Oath and Pledge of support
Pledge love and support to children
Pledge of co-operation to care for children
Divorce Blessing Certificate
Lock away the photos
Melt the wedding rings
Readings of forgiveness,
freedom & independence
Releasing Doves or Butterflies